The Heart of Hannah

Hi Everyone,

I just want to say thank you so much to those who have been praying form me! I know that God has been moving through you. Thank you for joining in on what he is doing, he just loves when we pray for each other! Please be praying especially for tonight (thursday, if you read this before than) because the DTS and the school of worship will be having a 12-hour (7 pm to 7 am) prayer and worship night. I am so excited for this! We will have special times of intercession specific topics and also just times of worship and listening to what God leads up to intercede for. Pray that this will be a time God can transform my heart, speak to me personally and also speak to up as a group.

I thought i would share another journal entry.

February 24

After the day of giving and our call to holiness there have been a new sort of unity within the DTS. A more profound transformation had been triggered in me. The morning of the 22^nd, in worship time, I had such a strong desire to feel his love and he responded to that by giving me a deeper understanding of and sensitivity to his love. During a time of prayer, right after I had prayed a lady named Grace (she is from Uganda!) came over and began to pray for me. She said the things that were on my heart; things of God and how I only longed for him. After the worship time she took me aside and told me that she felt in her heart that I am like Hannah of the Bible. Hannah’s husband had given her every material thing she could ever need, but it didn’t matter to her because her heart’s desire was for a son. She constantly prayed, crying out to God for her hearts desire. He gave her the desire of her heart, which she gave back to him as she promised. Her son blessed the nation of Israel. Grace told me that God showed her that even though I have every “thing” I could ever need in this life, it is worthless to me because my heart only has one desire. I long with all me being just to be with him and know him more. I am willing to forsake everything else just to be in his arms and go deeper into his love. Like Hannah, my heart cries out in pain for this, being grieved at the thought of not having my heart’s desire. In the same way, God has heard my cry and is giving me my desire! Grace spoke of the things that are on my heart. His love is all I want. The only things I really need are found in his love.

The next day, God showed me more of his beauty through his creation. Some friends and I went to the rainforest and… Wow… it was so beautiful. I have never seen any other thing in nature like it. God is so creative! In the middle of our hike, it started to rain. We got so excited about this that we sang out loud to God, “Rain more! Rain harder!” More and more it began to pour, illuminating the beauty of the forest. It was cool because some parts of the forest were so thick that I could just feel a bit of the raindrops, but it would just be dumping down in the more open spaces. We were singing, dancing, and laughing like no other! That was a day to remember. Surely, it was a week to remember.

The Power of Giving

Announcement!!!!!!!!!!!: For those who don’t already know: I am doing my outreach in Costa Rica for the month of April and in Guatemala for the month of May! I am so excited! Also, this weekend (March 1 +) I will be in Nicaragua doing a mini-outreach. I will let you know how that goesJ.

 

This is an entry in my new journal that I want to share with everyone. I know it’s long, but I urge you to read it all to be encouraged by the swell things God is doing,

 

February 20, 2008

            This journal in itself is a testimony to the greatness of God. Now I will use it to record all (or as much as I can) of the amazing things I see him doing. He blew me away today. The day started off with my alone time with him. He spoke to me about having hope in his unfailing love (Psalm 33). He showed me that there is no better way to live my life than in his will because his unfailing love does what is very best for me. I mean, how could I go wrong with unfailing, selfless, agape love? His love is the path I will walk along forever. After that there was a time of base intercession. God spoke to many people and common themes that were noticed were how he desires that we have unity, selfless love for each other, and one direction. That we have passion like a fire and that fire would consume anything that stands between him and us (personally). Someone had a special word for just the DTS that God desires for us to be holy. This is something that has also been on my heart for the DTS. We had a passionate time of prayer, and it was apparent that he was working in hearts. I did not see this coming at all, but God spoke something directly to my heart. He said, “I have made you to be a leader. You have let fear and feelings of inferiority back into your heart and they have kept you from this calling. Let my perfect love cast out all fear and make your heart holy. Don’t worry what other people are thinking about you; what I think about you is what matters. Rise up, Forerunner!” This is a powerful word from God, but I am taking it to heart, ready to rise up and let him use me. I think that he has designed me for this role, in some ways, but I also must develop into it through obedience, discipline, and practice.

            I am still in amazement of the next thing that happened. Giacomo, the base leader, asked everyone in the DTS to go to their rooms and ask God what 2 things do they have that they are supposed to give away, and to who. I started thinking and praying as I walked to my house, asking God what I should give. As soon as I stepped into my room and I saw my bag of makeup, I knew. My friend Briana had mysteriously lost her makeup this morning and now God was asking me to give mine to her. I did not have to spend any time struggling with this in my heart because I know that laying down this right would bring me freedom. I felt I also needed to gather all the money I had in my room to give to one of the girls in my room along with my blow dryer and a pair of earrings. I put all these items in a bag and returned to class. We began. Someone would stand in the middle of the circle and give up two or more things that they love. They would lay their hands one the person they were giving to and pray for them. In turn, the person would receive the gift with a thankful heart then pray a blessing on the giver. There were simple things, such as shirts, that were given and really blessed people. There were also people giving up some of their bigger possessions like laptops, cameras, and ipods to people that needed it more than them. I could see that they were being liberated from their bond to material possessions and being filled with joy as they gave in obedience to God. God truly multiplied our blessings trough this. I felt like the little boy who gave his little lunch of fish and bread to feed over 5, 000 people. I had no regrets as I handed over my makeup to my friend who had tears in her eyes as she said, “I know how much this means to you.”

            I was blessed with some very special things. First of all, I was given this journal that I am writing in from my friend Mark. He told me, “I want you to remember all the awesome things God is doing in your life. Then I was given a gold colored bracelet from one of the staff leaders, Jesse… “Because it is pretty, and so are you.” Also, my friend Suzanne gave me a necklace of hers that I really like. Though I believe that all these gifts are from God, the next two gifts that I received might as well been handed to me by his very own hand. Another staff leader, Loly, gave me a colorful (mostly pink) died bag that she got during her DTS outreach in Guatemala. She said it always reminds her of what God did on her outreach and the beautiful country that she fell in love with. This touched me right at the heart because I don’t believe that she even knew that Guatemala is a country that God put on my heart years ago. Now he is fulfilling that dream by bringing me there for outreach this May. This was yet another whisper from God confirming that Guatemala is a place he wants me to reach for him!

            When I was sure that there must not be anything else for God to give me, he responded to a desire of my heart. I had been asking God since the “Devine Plumbline” teaching (week 3) to give me a bracelet to symbolize the way he has saved me and healed my soul. I asked him for one that I could have for my whole life to use to tell people my story. I asked him to give it to me directly instead of me going out to find one because I wanted it to have the special value that only something that God handpicks can have (like me!). I asked that it would already contain someone’s story. So… as we gathered together a girl named Karla, from Bolivia, entered the center of the giving circle. I laughed as she expressively explained about a box of special things she has hidden at home so that her sister can’t find them and use them. There was one bracelet, though, that was her favorite (it’s silver with black and silver heart charms) that she was so worried about her sister using that she brought it with her. After saying this, she looked straight at me and said, “Anna, this is for you”. I was so overwhelmed. She said, “This bracelet is valuable to me, but you are so much more valuable to God.” It was so amazing to me that even though she is not one of the girls that I am closest with, she is someone who’s story I respect greatly and God was able to speak to her and tell her that I was the one who needed that bracelet.

            The giving continued and as we each let go and received in the circle, we all became intertwined and connected in spirit. Just like God had spoken to us about in the morning, we became united and our hearts burned with love for each other. Our passion for Christ was a wildfire, consuming everything the things that stood between him and us. One of the reasons that we did this exercise was because we still needed $3, 000 to be paid for everyone’s lecture phase fees to be covered. Somehow, by the end of our time of giving, the $3, 000 was not only covered, but it was exceeded. I don’t know everything about what people had to give up to make this happen, but I do know that my friend from Germany took her entire savings that her parents had put away for her college education and handed it over to God. She responded to his call to give a tenth of that today.

            So many more things came out of this. People’s needs were being met left and right. One truly beautiful thing that happened was God brought two enemies together through forgiveness into friendship. After all of this, when we gathered for lunch, everyone could not stop talking about God’s generosity and giving praise to him for his wonders. I said to one friend of mine, “Whenever I read in the book of Acts about how everyone in the early Church was giving and no one was ever without what they needed, I think: Why isn’t the Church like that today? Now I have seen with my own eyes how this can happen. I feel like the early Church, I want to live like this for the rest of my life. This is what community is about.”

            This afternoon I headed to the prayer room to reflect on this day and the goodness of God. As I walked I thought, “I really with someone could have prayed for me this morning that I would cast ALL fear out of my heart and be the leader (and kind of leader) that God wants me to be.” I opened the door to the prayer room and there was my friend Lisa, sitting on the couch. She smiled and said, “Hi Anna! What are you doing?” “Oh, just coming to pray a little.” “Well that’s what I’m doing too. Do you want prayer for anything?” God provided almost instantaneously! Together, we praised God for who he is and what he is doing. We prayed for each other, lifting   the things on our hearts up to God. J

LOVE- A Valentine Now and Forever

Yesterday was valentines day. This is a day that I usually don't like very much. Mainly because it is for people that have a valentine and no matter how many times you are told that it is also a day about friendship, it's just not the same. This year I decided to change my mopey ways and spend the day celebrating the greatest gift God has given me: LOVE. How could I not spent the day that is known as "the day of love" reflecting on my father's love that is my very reason for living and is constantly surrounding me and consuming my heart?
Before I get into that I have to say: yesterday was the best Valentines Day ever. And yes, I stand corrected, it is an awesome day of friendship! To start off the day (at the stroke of midnight) all the other girls and I were awakened by a midnight serenade. All the guys stood outside of our windows and sang love songs to us as some strummed their guitars. When we came to the door to thank them, they gave each of us a beautiful flower that they has risked their lives to pick. It was the sweetest thing A whole group of guys (let alone one guy) has ever done for me! The day continued with constant expressions of friendship through valentine cards, acts of service, and hugs. Me and the other girls in my small group even made matching shirts to wear that said, "Free Hugs" on the front and, "For God so hugged the world..." on the back:). That evening we had a special candlelight dinner complete with decorations, jazz music, and a 3-course meal that was served by some of the guys. After the dinner, some of the girls presented a project they had been working on: writing songs about each person in the DTS to sing to them. Mine was to the tune of "Girls just wanna have fun", but it was called "Anna just wants to have fun". It was so funny! The rest of the night was full a taking pictures and dancing (of course!). There is nothing like living in a community with others who have the love of Christ... there are love explosions everywhere! I want to be in community with others, such as this one, for the rest of my life.
These awesome friendships are just one way God has been showing me his love. In the past month I have been experiencing God's love in a new and deeper way.
I have experience his love as my savior; one who has laid down his life for me just so I can be with him. I have experienced his saving grace this past month because he has done some major surgery on my soul; opening me up and taking things out of me that were buried so deep inside that I did not even know they were there, yet they were eating me up and keeping me from a deeper relationship with him. He is my healer, healing me from things I thought were my destiny for my entire life. Now he has come into those places in me that were filled with darkness and shines his light, giving me abundant life. What love he has for me that he gave his own life, paying the price that was mine to pay, that I may have freedom and eternity with him!
God has began to reveal himself me as my eternal lover. He has spoken into my life, telling me that he has never left me to be alone, but has always gazed upon me, sometimes speechless because he is so in awe of me. He delights in me![Zephaniah 3:17].  To him I am more precious than a jewel; more beautiful than a diamond. He has dreams for me that are better than anything I could dream for myself. Most of all, he LOVES spending time with me. He is always waiting in the secret place for me, desiring that I come into his presence. When I seek to know him more deeply, he reveals himself! I will dwell in the house of the Lord!
His has also been showing me how he is my perfect Father with perfect love, my best friend, and the only source of true love that I can give to others (he IS Love). Do you know what makes me more excited than anything else?... I have just scratch the surface of God's love! The deeper into his love that I go, the more I realize that it is bigger than I could ever experience in this lifetime and more extravagant than my wildest imagination. Can you imagine what his heart must look like? All I know is that we (his children) are at the very center of his heart. He said, "I have loved you with an everlasting love."[Jer. 39:3] I am so excited to spend the rest of my life getting to know the one who I will be in a love-relationship with for the rest of eternity!